So this has been simmering in the back of my mind for a while, but lately several friends have brought it to the front and I now want to pose a question to you all. ALL comments, questions, thoughts are welcome....
As you all know, Dan works an exorbitant amount of hours, leaving me a "single mom" most of the time. (There have been times when his schedule has been IDEAL (8am-4:30pm) and NO weekends...sigh!!!!) In the Air Force he was gone for months at a time, during school he had a very erratic schedule very busy or not at all, now it is nonstop. When he hasn't had work obligations he often times has Church callings that require large amounts of time.
I know I am not the only one out there in this situation. Regardless of the reason we are often left at home to work, play, teach, raise our kids, and try and maintain our own sanity. Dan and I have come up with lots of coping mechanisms--some good, some great, some not so good. My question to you? How have you all learned to cope with the demands of your spouse's schedule? I thought if you could comment here then we could maybe give each other some good ideas! Anything original out there? If you haven't commented and have something to share PLEASE share it today!!!
I'll start with a few...
1. TEXT Messaging...need I say more? This is a recent addition to our communication tools, but one of my favorite. Jokes, questions, love notes are easily shared this way and really help us feel connected.
2. Late Night TV time...this one may seem weird, but we watch an episode of our favorite show together (the Office) when he gets home--even if it is really late. We both need to "detox" from the day and sometimes just a little snuggle time while watching a show is nice. The other fun thing about this is it gives us something fun to talk about not related to our kids, gives us some common ground, and lots of jokes to share. Right now this is the ONLY TV we have time to watch so we are not turning into couch potatoes by having this little tradition. I usually record the new episode (I don't have TiVo right now and am dying!) or we also have last season on DVD, or we just watch a rerun of something else...
3. Making good friends...This is CRITICAL. I think that has been my biggest mistake in NY. We have had so much on our plates that I haven't taken advantage of the opportunities that I have had to develop better relationships with the wonderful people I have met. In the past this has been critical and I have made some amazing friends. I say this because having good friends helps you unwind, vent, release, whatever you want to call it. When you DO have time together with your spouse you are more relaxed and ready to see that his needs are being met because your friends help fill some of your needs. Also, your friends can help you cope with all the time you are being that "single parent".
We have other more down-to-earth ways to stay connected, but these are a few of my favorites. We won't include the bad methods which have included...tears, pity-parties in which you consume massive amounts of anything with "sugar" listed as the first ingredient while watching TV until you can't roll off the couch, and other self-destructive behaviours....
Overall we are doing great so don't think I am complaining. We know that this is just one part of life and are settling into a "routine". Our house is starting to come together (I'll post pics later.) We are enjoying our neighborhood and NY--especially with the beautiful weather we are having.
Your turn...please share any and all stories, tips, etc. you have for dealing with a spouse's schedule!!
24 April 2007
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4 comments:
Luckily my husband doesn't have too bad of a schedule but I have a close friend whos husband is living in St. Louis doing training to become a pilot and she lives in Hawaii with her family. The one thing I have seen strengthen and keep them close is that they always read scriptures and pray over the phone each night. I don't know if that's always possible in your husbands situation but I have seen it do miracles for their marriage. Wish I had more for you, sorry and good luck.
You had a lot of great ideas and we use a lot of your ideas to help "get through" it. For me I need to keep busy with things I enjoy. Also, friends are key! You need adult conversation! Also, having my "own goals" (weather it is to learn something new or complete something I have always wanted to do) It helps me feel like I am accomplishing something as well - not just living day in and day out.
I think that the key for Mark and I is planning and prioritizing. If you know what your doing you won't waste time figuring out what to do with your time. Plus, Lisa's right about taking on goals for yourself. Then you can have something to talk about besides your day with the kids and you'll complain less too.
Jen, I'm late in posting - but I agree with staying busy. For me, - being at home and feeling lonely just puts me in that "pity party mood". If I were you and had that new fabulous bathroom - I would hang out there just to cheer me up ! :) A bubble bath and a gossip magazine are a guilty pleasure for me! :)
We just try and cram everything into the weekends (which I know isn't even an option for you guys most of the time) and try to make any time quality time. :)
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